


Sherlock Holmes Is Jealous

by sherlocksbeyz



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Jealousy, John Watson is dramatic, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Sherlock Holmes is jealous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9673520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlocksbeyz/pseuds/sherlocksbeyz
Summary: After their first 'I love you' and kiss, John says that he needs time to think and Sherlock waits him for two long days. When John is ready to talk, John wants to tell him everything and the first thing is that he thinks he doesn't deserve someone like Sherlock..But Sherlock doesn't feel the same way and he makes sure that John understands it..





	1. Sherlock   Holmes is jealous

_Not tonight._

 

He thinks. 

 

_Not tonight,John._

 

John is wearing his dark-new-expensive shirt and probably shaved ten minutes ago. His perfume smells sex, his hair is combed to the right. He is meeting the blonde one. Sherlock can't help but feels the pain,again..

 

He is sitting on the sofa, watching the wall to think easier. John is holding his long jacket in his hands, turns to Sherlock to see what's he doing. He cleans his throat, makes the situation clear for him.

 

"I'll be out for the night. I have a date" He says, softly. Sherlock looks at his blue eyes and leans back on the sofa.

 

"Right,have fun with the 8th one" He speaks sarcastically, not the first time, but John senses something different. He thinks if he is making fun of John dating many women or trying to stop him. He laughs, tries to make Sherlock know he is okay with the number,and his words.

 

"Sherlock,don't tell me you count my girlfriends" He says,still smiling a little bit. Sherlock gives him a determined look. 

"No,I'm telling you I've been counting your girlfriends for a month" He answers fast,surprises John. He eyes him curiously, to see what's wrong with him. He doesn't want to keep this talk any longer, wants to go and maybe escape, think about it alone. He makes a move to go to the downstairs, as fast as possible. 

"I'm late so I should go now" He explains, his voice lower than it should be. Sherlock wants to control himself, keep himself stopping him but he fails.

 

"Late for what,John? Sex?" He asks, behind him. John stops, turns back to him and looks at him surprisingly. Sherlock seems really confused or something like that, but he knows he is suddenly interested in his date. John swallows heavily, tries to speak, while Sherlock is waiting.

"We're just having fun" He says, after long minutes thinking. He doesn't want to scare Sherlock when he tries to learn something new. He just looks so soft and innocent , not knowing a single thing about it. But he doesn't understand why now? Why, all of the sudden, he is interested in his dates,sex? 

"What's the fun in sex?" Sherlock breaks the silence with a question,a really weird question , even for Sherlock. John doesn't know how to answer it, doesn't know how to end his curiousty. He feels his pulse's fastening and knows he is starting to fantasize again. He feels guilty, when Sherlock looks at him and waits for his answer, curiously. 

"It's just sex,Sherlock. People  _enjoy_ it" He explains honestly , breathing hardly. Sherlock has the same facial expression like he is solving a crime, a case and it is new to John. He's always thought it is no really his area. But, it's obvious he was wrong. Sherlock is trying to understand how it feels like and John doesnt know why but Sherlock thinks it's the time.

Sherlock stands up and comes closer to John,slowly but unexpectedly. He is in front of him, only some centimetres away from him, it's too much to handle. John knows he is breathing faster than he should and knows Sherlock can feel how fast his pulse is. 

 

"Do  _you_ enjoy?" Sherlock asks, his voice low, almost as a whisper. His eyes is half-lidded and he lickes his lips. John cant help but feels excited, he feels his hunger growing inside him, takes  a step back. He doesn't want to lose control so he keeps the area between them.

 

"I do love sex. For God's sake,Sherlock!" He shouts at him, without even realizing how high his voice is, runs to the stairs. Sherlock knows he escapes, knows he can't hide his feelings inside him anymore. He knows he should stop him. 

 

"Is it why you leave me,John?" He asks, desperately. His voice is low and soft and it hits John so hard, his words break his heart into pieces, can't move his legs. He turns back to Sherlock, now he knows why he is interested in his dates. He knows, why Sherlock is hurt right now. 

 

_Sherlock Holmes is jealous._

 

John can't believe at first, but the way his voice sounds, it's too broken. He feels stupid and terrible for hurting him. He should's known before. He hurts him, more than one, and John can't stop blaming himself. It's all his fault. 

 

"Is it why you choose them over me?" Sherlock murmurs, his voice lower than it should be. He knows that John knows, he is scared to lose him. John doesn't go anywhere, comes closer to him, eyes him admiringly. 

 

" _I'll never choose someone over you"_ He says, within a second,without thinking. He looks at him like it's the most obvious thing, like everyone knows it but not Sherlock. He swallows forcefully, holds his tears back when Sherlock shivers. 

"You chose Mary" Sherlock says, his lips trembling a little bit. John opens his mouth,tries to say something but can't success. He stops trying and pushing himself, he does what he wants to do. He wraps his arms around him,pulls him as close as possible, loses control.

" _I'm sorry,Sherlock.I'm so sorry"_ He says, softly. He wants him to forgive him, for hurting him, for not knowing it, for everything..

His tears is trickled down his cheeks to Sherlock's shoulders, he wants to bury his face. Sherlock knows he blames himself, he doesn't want John to cry because of him, he wants him to be happy as Sherlock is happy now. Because he knows he has never been happy this much before. And It's because of John, of course. John, his brilliant John. 

 

" _I love you,John"_

 

He whispers into John's hair, breaths in the smell of John. He doesnt think a second, he wants him to know this and it all matters. He doesnt care if John doesnt say it back. John sucks in a deep breath that sounds like a sob. He pulls his head away and looks at Sherlock, gratefully. He knows Sherlock is forgiving him, he knows Sherlock loves him, and it's like heaven. 

 

John cups his face with his both hands and he slowly touches his lips. Sherlock's lips are soft and wet. John needs to taste too badly, they both move their lips with a rhythm, and he feels the desire between them. He slides down his fingers on Sherlock's back, pulls him closer and kisses until he needs air. When they break the kiss,he gasps out,smiling to him

" __ _I love you too"_

 


	2. John Watson Is Dramatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their first 'I love you' and kiss, John says that he needs time to think and Sherlock waits him for two long days. When John is ready to talk, John wants to tell him everything and the first thing is that he thinks he doesn't deserve someone like Sherlock..
> 
> But Sherlock doesn't feel the same way and he makes sure that John understands it..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter wasn't on my mind,actually but I saw some beautiful comments written by you, and I wanted to thank you by this way.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, also, who read and liked my story, thank you! I hope this chapter is better than the last one and if you really want, I can write a third and last one, who can contain some smut for you lmao. 
> 
> So I want to say one last thing, that I want to give this chapter as a gift to my new but lovely friend, Mary and thank her for fangirling over my story and giving me the morals I needed..
> 
> See you later, guys! Your comments mean a lot to me, don't feel hesitant ever to write something!

It has been _2 days, 16 hours 43 minutes_ since John's first _'I love you_ ' to Sherlock and it feels _dizzy_.. To know that his man loves him, it feels alive.. It's like John is something makes Sherlock more human, more... _Acceptable_..

 

John watches Sherlock opposite him, long fingers tapping  on his cheeks and stares at the wall while sitting on the sofa, looking so beautiful… He remembers that two days ago, when he said 'he needs time to think' , how scared but respectful sherlock was. He feels guilty,again, it's not annoying him anymore. He deserves this, he deserves to hate himself, after all the things he has done to Sherlock. 

 

"Sherlock" He calls his name, Sherlock glances at John from the corner of his eye, then back at the wall. 

 

"I'm thinking,John" He says,still not looking at him. John knows he's thinking about the case they're trying to solve, but he knows it can't wait anymore..

 

"It's important" John states, trying to keep his voice low. He feels his blood rushing through his veins, he feels like he's going to die, with the pain inside him,hurting him even more. 

 

Sherlock stares at him, with the obvious fear in his eyes. He knows it can be the end for them, he is afraid of losing him. He doesn't want to hear any single word, he knows that John thinks it's  a mistake.. 

 

"I'm listening" He says, his voice small, small and soft enough to break every inch of John's heart. John swallows harshly, he doesnt know where to start even though he has made this talk million times on his mind for the last 2 days. So he wants to make something clear for Sherlock,at the beginning.

 

 

"I need you to know, Sherlock, first of all, I didn't want some time from you to think about my feelings"  

 

Sherlock's wide eyes scan him, he probably is trying to deduce what's going on. John takes a deep breath and gives him a determined look, and whispers tenderly and softly.

 

"I  said that I love you and I'm not taking it back _, I have loved you since the very beginning"_

 

John stares at him, waiting for him to realize it's not about him, it's about John.. He loves Sherlock and it's not the problem, he should see, it has never been a problem to love Sherlock.. 

 

Sherlock's face breaks into the most beautiful and pure smile John had ever seen, after the words left his lips. He feels like it's the heaven, that he doesn't deserve to be in. John can't stop looking him admiringly, when Sherlock parts his lips to speak.

 

 

 _"I have always loved you too, John."_  

Sherlock whispers, looking like he could have started crying. John knows it's too much to handle, Sherlock's innocent look on his face and he knows it's the first time Sherlock opens his heart to someone, that someone who doesn't deserve his love.. He cleans his throat, forces himself to speak without crying. 

 

 

"I-uh,Sherlock,I just wanted time from you because I think-"  He corrects intently

_"I know that I don't deserve you"_

 

John's vision is blurry, his eyes sting and he realizes he's about to cry in front of Sherlock again, after 2 days, second in a week. He closes his eyes and inhales painfully, but when he opens his eyes, the tears aren't gone. 

 

Sherlock watches him curiosly, with a confused face that John had never seen. He doesn't know why John thinks so, and he knows he is the one who doesn't deserve him,  it's the fact, how John can't see it? 

 

"You-how can you possibly think that you don't deserve a psychopath like me? If you mean you deserve better than me, I know that, it's true but-" 

 

"No" John cuts him off Immediately. He can't believe how innocent Sherlock is looking at him, how striken and he hates to be the reason of this face. _"No,you're not a bloody pyscopath,and I mean I don't deserve someone as good as you"_

 

Sherlock's lips tremble, his heart clenches with the pain in John's eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but fails. For the first time in his life, he doesn't know what to think, he just can't understand. He can't understand why John thinks he's the good one... But he knows it's the most surprising and.. honored moment ever..

 

"I'm not a good man" Sherlock clarifies, his voice wobbly and low. It's the thing that makes John lose control. He stands up from his chair, his hands ball into fists. He stares down at Sherlock, his face looks confused. 

 

"You're a good man,Sherlock" He throws his arms in the air, trying to lower his voice. He doesn't know how to control his anger and hate to himself, but he knows he can't hurt Sherlock. "You're better than you think, and you should know this" 

 

He gaspes out, looking pained inside. All he can think when he looks at Sherlock, at his expression filled with confusion and sadness, is that he really doesn't deserve him. He has never deserved him. 

 

"I'm the one who hit you" He whispers, his voice small, and gulps miserably. But it's the only beginning, he hasn't finished yet. He wants to tell him everything he has been thinking for last 2 days, he wants him to know how bad he is to be loved..

 

"I fucking kicked you, and beat you and told you stupid things and I-I hurt you"  He bites his lips hard, to hold back a sob coming , and closes his eyes for a second. He presses them  and opens, knows Sherlock is watching him. And he realizes that he frowns at John, with a protesting look and now he stands close to him, close enough that their chests almost touching. 

 

"John,you weren't yourself in the morgue" he exclaims, agitated. He places his hands carefully, slowly, on John's  shoulders and gives him a serious look.  "Your wife died and you were grieving for her, also you didn't mean to hurt me, you tried to wake me up from my hallucinations" Sherlock says, gently but firmly, looking into his eyes intently. 

 

John feels sick, doesn't know why Sherlock is trying to be kind to him when they both know it's not true. The fact is John hit him, hit him so hard and nothing can change it. He feels like the bitter guilt is shredding his heart apart and he can't stop feeling this way. It hurts him even more when Sherlock tries to hide his fault. 

 

"You need to stop this" He insists, his voice broken and cracked. "You should stop-uhm-act like I'm not guilty and you should stand up by yourself" 

 

John tries too hard to hold back his tears, his chest expanding with a long deep, painful sigh. He swallows harshly, bites his cheek inside his mouth, watches Sherlock carefully. He looks like a lost child right now, when he lowers his eyes at John , and he looks like he doesn't know how to stand up by himself, when he tries to object John's words.

 

"You're not-you're not guilty,John. You never want to hurt me" Sherlock says, his voice small, his hands still on John's arms. 

 

"No!" John hisses. "But I did hurt you more than once" He finishes his words hardly, gulps thickly and closes his eyes briefly in shame. He feels Sherlock's hands moving on his arms, trying to make him relax. He looks up at him, tries to tell him how he feels. 

 

"I-I married with Mary when you were in love with me"  He says, miserably and painfully. His lips trembling a lot, he can't even speak for a minute. Sherlock watches him with a shocked face, he had never waited something from John about this, his marriage..

 

"No!" John shouts at him and steps backwards when he tries to open his mouth, tries to protest him. "No, I should've known"

 

John realizes how loud his voice is and feels even worse. Why he can't do something right?! Sherlock's hands fall from John's arms, his body shivers in misery he feels. He misses his touch and warmth on his skin, tries to look at him without crying.

 

"I could have told you, John. We both made mistakes" Sherlock admits, his voice low and soft, looking at John with a bitter smile on his lips. John wants him to understand how bad things he has done to him, he wants him to understand that he can't be loved.

 

"She shot you,Sherlock. She fucking tried to kill you and you-"  He feels his tears rolling down on his cheek, finally, and he whispers in a small voice. "You had done countless things to save her, to protect her!" He puts his head in his hands, trying to hide his red face and eyes filled with tears. He murmurs inside his palms, with a regret choking him. "And I-God- I did blame you for her death!" 

 

John breaks down into sobs, when Sherlock wrappes his arms around John's shoulders and Sherlock's cheek rest on his hair. He can't stop gasping and crying hard, he feels like he's the worst person ever in this world.. 

 

"John,please stop torturing yourself" Sherlock mumbles, his deep voice is soft and pleading desperately. He slides his fingers down on John's back and pulls him closer, John wants to disappear in his hug, his warmth. He feels Sherlock's lips on his hair, his breath in the smell of John, and his body's heat racing up on his spine as Sherlock kisses his forehead. He pulls back his head, looks up at Sherlock, his eyes looking red and his face streaked with the tears. 

 

 _"I'm so sorry, Sherlock. I have- I have never loved Mary as much as I love you"_  John says again sincerely and softly,he wants Sherlock to know how much John loves him. He sighes and admits the obvious fact.  "and I hit you because I was too afraid to accept it"  

 

Sherlock eyes him compassionate, he brushes a tear away on John's cheek, tender in a way that warms John's chest. He whispers into his ear, his voice wobbly,deeper than John has ever heard it. 

 

_"I knew that you have always been mine"_

 

His face comes closer to John's and he feels their hearts beating together, in a fast rhythm. Sherlock presses his lips against John's left cheek, slowly and softly.. 

 

_Oh God.._

 

He closes his eyes in peace and squeezes Sherlock's hands.  He knows that Sherlock forgives him, again, and finally, feels the weight slowly beginning to lift from his shoulders. 

 

 

He wrappes his arms around Sherlock's waist and slides down his hands on Sherlock's back and his body is colliding with Sherlock's..

 

_Jesus Christ.._

 

 

He presses his lips against Sherlock's, in a slow, heated kiss, it feels like he could've melt in his arms. He feels Sherlock's arms winding around his shoulders and his heart gallopsing. He kisses Sherlock so tenderly and tucking Sherlock's bottom lip between his own and sucking hungrily. He knows it's not enough for them anymore, they need more touches, more kisses, more and more…

 

 

Sherlock breaths hardly when John pulls back and smiles at him, very gently, he haven't had this feeling before. It feels like his body wants John's and he loses control when they're together, it should feel scared but it doesn't.. He feels excited, happy and certainly wants more.. 

 

 _"My bedroom"_ He says, with a growing hunger inside his body for John, and looks at his John, knows he is feeling the same.. John nods meekly and lead them to Sherlock's bedroom, their bedroom.. They're certainly not gonna sleep tonight..

 

 

 


End file.
